In the tri-city area, a couple of excellent race series are available for people to jump on, which make use of the local road races throughout the race season.  Should you know of them, see “Be Greater Race Series” ( and “SVS Race the 989 Series” (

     wobblier goat, Barefoot Jenn, came up with a fantastic idea of doing a Wobbly Goat race series that focusses on our own type of ethos: drinking beer, running through the woods, drinking beer, doing slightly odd and mostly stupid things, drinking beer, getting across the finish line in whatever manner we can.  And drinking beer.   What you will notice that is markedly different about this series is that we want to reward your having a little fun with what is otherwise a horrendous activity, especially if that means bringing up the rear in the race.  Coming in tops for a race is absolutely delightful for those hard-charging athletes.  Their motivation, dedication, and competitive spirit is largely a foreign concept for me, and I fear I may be rubbing off on my partner in this regard.  We do not want to penalize those sneakered studs and studesses, but we would like to give those who come out to do what they can yet find themselves in the back of the pack anyway (I admit to basically living at the bottom of any given race standings) a fighting chance to come out on top. 


     Sign up before 1Feb2018. 

     If you are a teetotaler or a minor, let me know so we can make allowances.

     Either the wobbliest goat or wobblier goat will be at each race event either as participants (we are a team, dammit!, as Jennifer tells me often) or to set up a mini-hindrance station (if the race allows).  We’ll do what we can to be noticeable for those who want to have some beer.  We already have a flag; we’ll work on getting one of those little popular pop-up tents before the series starts.

points (general)

            1 pt for each kilometer

            2 pts for each beer just before the particular run event

            5 pts for each beer during the run event

            1 pt for each beer after the run event

            10 pts for DFL (overall)

            8 points for second to last (overall)

            6 points for third to last (overall)

            5 points for DFL in age group

            -5 points for first in age group

            20 points for vomiting during the run event


Month Event Organizer Location Link Points Notes
Feb Snow Moon (trail) Tri-To-Finish Midland 5/15/25 Night run with one aid station that tends to have booze.  Number of loops determines distance.
Mar St Pat’s (road) Tri-to-Finish / BARC Bay City 5/8/13 Extraordinarily popular run that gets very crowded for the 5k especially.  wobbliest goat plans to ruck with Hyland’s for the 5k putting beer in his rucksack.  Will run the 8k.
Mar Beer Mile (road) Mid-Michigan Beer Milers Midland 2 Massive points on this one because of 4 beers consumed during the run (spring edition)
May Highland Loops (trail) ? Highland Rec Area MTB 15/30 A 7-mi or 16-mi, but added 4 points each because this small event is a couple of hours drive (a little west of Pontiac).  One of my favourite events and has a great after-race food trough.
Jun MUTT (trail) Tri-To-Finish Harrison 8/16/32/50 A team event; points depend on which leg you run.  Love this event and a bit of a party atmosphere for the majority of the time (the 50k people kinda get the shaft on this one unless they are especially fast)
Jun Beer Mile (road) MMBM Midland 2 See above (summer edition)
Jun St. Stan’s (road) St. Stan’s AC Bay City 5 Horrendous event; usually hotter than the inside of Satan’s bunghole, and all on soul-crushing road course.  But you do get a beer ticket to get a brew at the Polish festival.  Will attempt to get a wobbly goat hindrance station on this. 
Aug Crawling Chaos (trail) wgrk Essexville 9 Best local event ever, because I am extraordinarily biased.
Aug Red Moon (trail) Tri-To-Finish Midland 5/15/25 See Snow Moon above
Sep Driathlon (road-ish) Bay City Morning Rotary Bay City 15 5 pts for each leg (canoeing, cycling, running).  A triathlon that doesn’t involve swimming, and encourages dressing up like a goof; great fun, truly. 
Sep Beer Mile (road) MMBM Midland 2 See above (autumn edition)
Sep Mud Creek Crawl (trail) Tri-To-Finish Sanford 5/10 A great local trail run that has been going for almost 40 years. 
Oct Old School 80’s (road-ish) SVS / BARC Bay City 5 Casual run event that is more to get people out for a short run, and done with a bit of a throwback atmosphere.
Oct Beer Run (road-ish) M3RC Midland 5 Usually around Halloween and involves Midland Brewing Company.  Pound a beer, run 5k, pound a beer after.  Not as point dense as the Beer Mile, but comes in fairly high.
Nov Turkey Dump Run (trail) John Shankool Essexville 5 or so No structure to this one except where people start and finish.  Determine your own distance and time.  BYOB encouraged for after, as well as chewing the fat before going home to start Thanksgiving dinner.  Supremely casual, so is one of my favourites.
Dec Beer Mile (road) MMBM Midland 2 See above (winter edition)


            At the end of the series, we’ll do a banquet of some sort, location to be determined.  Perhaps it’ll be at a beer joint; perhaps it’ll be at the home of a goat.  I still need to figure this out, but didn’t want to hold up this race series because of these details far out in the year.  I’ll post location and time towards the middle of the year, which will depend on participation level and whose joint we can crash.

            Awards, as this series stands now, will go to the top three point getters, either because they are terrible at running, or good at beering, or both.  I’ll work to see if I can get some sponsors for this with the intention of keeping the prizes (in)appropriate for what the tippling tortoise race series represents.  There may be other consolation prizes, depending on the generosity of businesses and, to a lesser degree, my whimsey.  I plan to have the details solidified before the new year gets too far underway. 


            Option: there has been some talk, mostly within my head, about whether this needs some article of clothing.  I have a general idea of what the design will look like, but I won’t pursue this option should people not need yet another shirt or the like in their closet.  However, if enough people are intrigued, the cost would be covered by you, though we would try to keep it as low as possible.  If sponsors want to chip in, then that price will go down accordingly.  Sound off one way or the other when you fill in the form (click on the button below). 

            The wobblier goat recommended we go with stickers regardless, so you have that to look forward to.  And this time, I’ll be sure to get the correct size.